Storytime Lover T-Shirts

"Did the three pigs have enough insurance to rebuild their home?"

"Let's play hide-and-I-read-my-book."

"Stop asking so many questions, or it's right back to Books on Tape for you."

"I do't think good huffing and puffing can be taught."

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

'Can you read this one for me? I have a book report on it tomorrow.'

'No, I don't think the three little pigs had to pay restitution to the wolf's widow.'

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Today's Rapunzel

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

The Big Bad Wolf visits the Three Little Pigs dressed as Santa.

'I'm really getting tired. How about a spoiler alert?'

This Little Pig built his house of straw, and lived happy secure ever after

'Psstt, Agent Stark from the Witness Protection Program: If you come now, Bo Peep will never find you again...'

'I don't know how they knew they were going to live happily ever after. I just know there was no prenuptial agreement.'

'Ever since I started wearing this fake crown, lovely girls have kept coming up and kissing me...'

Bedtime Stories

"Because he was the one who had to milk her. That's why Jack traded the cow for a handful of beans."

Bedtime in Ancient Greece

"I resent the name-calling Doc: I may be bad, but I'm not big, right?"

"President Clinton's new health plan will make Americans stop feeling so bad-tempered and mean and rotten all the time, and then the pussy cats will all be very, very happy ever after."

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

'I couldn't put the book down... I had peanut butter and jelly on my hands!'

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

What Goldilocks didn't know.

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

The Force of Example.

Uncle Mort's Storytime presents: The Hybrid and the Hare. Once there was a big, strong, fast SUV and a tiny electric powered hybrid. They decided to have a long race to see who was better. Restrooms. The SUV had a big engine, massive tires and lots and lots of oil, so it took a huge lead. The hybrid was far behind, but it was chugging steadily along. All of a sudden the SUV ran out of gas. But the hybrid still had lots of power and it took the lea … Crash! Where's Mort? Did I miss storytelling h

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

"I know Goldilocks is adorable now, but trust me - the minute puberty hits we'll want to eat her."

"Dear UPS, buzzer is broken. Please shout loudly and I will let down my hair."

"When the evil witch pushes the children into the oven, .... that's just a metaphor for putting them in the microwave"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'