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'One medium curds-and-whey pizza for a Miss Muffet?'

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

Little Princess.

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

Jacques et Jille

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"