Children's Story Fan Gifts

'You'll be happy to know I'll be moving out of your closet as soon as there's a vacancy under your bed.'

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

'Jack, we could stop falling down this stupid hill if you'd stop worrying about contaminants in our tap water.'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

Little Miss Muffet Does Lunch

Rapunzel at the hop

Humpty Dumpty goes skiing.

"You see? God is punishing us because you bought futures in pork bellies."

"Let's just take the Kosciuszko."

'Wait, Bob - find out if she does windows.'

"I'm going for a walk, while this cools. Whatever you do, don't let any, little blonde girls near it!"

"Three pizzas: One too hot, one too cold, and one just right."

"Don't we think we've had enough sir?"

The Fourth Little Pig

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

Pastries and Candy

This side is the gag reel.

Moby Dick

Malaprop Man! Adventures. Malaprop Man! Where have you been? At a stupor her comet confection! Did many of your fellow heroes show up? We had a great turnabout! Backman and the Incredible Bulk were there! So was Caption Americ, the Flush, Wander Woman and Plasterman! Very impressive. Who was the most popular with the fans? I think I was the main distraction! I have no doubt at all about that!

'I told you we should have done the balloon toss.'

Jacques et Jille

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"I'm in children's books, myself."

Monsters won't eat you if they're not hungry. So, each night, Mom makes it a sandwich. If I keep my room tidy.

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

Ask A Silly Question.

The unforgiving tree

I think you meant to huff 'n' puff at the next house over.

"At lease we managed to stop the leak before the water reached 'E' Deck."