Children's Humor Aficionado Pillows

'You guys have it easy -- at my house, disobedience is treason!'

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

"We're going to pay for your obedience school but after that you're on your own."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

"Blog always makes it all about Blog."

Roald Dahl gets a book idea

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

'I'll never understand parents. They name you Patrick O'Kelly O'Grady and then punish you for shenanigans.'

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

It makes no sense. The number of books that can be stored on a small device is constantly increasing, yet school kids seem to be lugging around bigger backpacks every year!

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

Funky Facts: Elephants.

"If it really is a smartphone, why are my grades still lousy?"

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."

'I wish I could do Search and Rescue too: When you're a Police Dog, the people you find don't actually want to be found...'

"The kids told me it was a magic wand."

'Yes, your son does ask questions in class but they're always 'Can I have the hall pass?'.'

"No, I don't want a glass of water, but I'm worried that I might want one."

"I think our daughter got her brains from me."

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

'I've eaten so much homework that I'm starting to age in paper years.'

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Big date tonight, Dad. Can I borrow the cardigan?"

Teenage Vegetables

"The economy is slowing down, last night the tooth fairy left me an iou"

'Why are you hiding in the closet?'

'Yes, I flunked history, but at least I now understand that quote, 'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.''

'NO, you cannot borrow Grandpa's bus pass!'