Childproofing Home T-Shirts

'Well those stair gates were a complete waste of money'

A young Don King

Interior design trends for parents....

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'They made it like that so the kids wouldn't bother you.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

Beware of teething baby.

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

'Throw it out. . . we never use it, unless you can think of someone that might need it.'

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

Santa hosing the Chimney.

'Hello, security.'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'New normal' family life

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

While you were out

'I told you he was smart. He turned a potential hazard into a plaything.'

'Is your house baby-proofed?'

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

"Did we turn off the stove?"