Childhood Raconteur Gifts

'What's up with your mum's stomach?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Where's Waldo? Where's Waldo? Peek-a-boo! There he is!"

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

Non Thought For The Day.

Tooth fairy

Wanda takes a more proactive approach.

"What I did on my summer vacation and how I optioned it to Miramax..."

"This tire raced in the Indy 500."

"I turned five. That's why I'm here. What are you in for?"

'This bed comes with a remote monster-under-the-bed option.'

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

'Oh yeah, well, MY DADDY can scare ELEPHANTS!'

'During my childhood I had imaginary playmates...One night they stole all my toys.'

'I don't care if you are just 2 years old, people don't have time to read your life story.'

'Forget the doctor! Just keep your eye out for the stork!'

'Believe me -- you don't want to know what I did on my summer vacation.'

"Some women to see you, Anne."

"Oh, it's not a baby book, it's his memoirs."

"'My Summer Vacation', read by the author. All rights reserved."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

'If she can't speak yet, how do you know her name is Jennifer?'

Winnie Hits Pooberty

Max Beerbohm

"I know about the tooth fairy, but I feel a bit young to be selling off my body parts!"

'Once upon a time'...'I've hear it.'

"The dish and the spoon? Huh. I did not see that coming."

I've heard that you've beaten the Hare, so I've come to challenge you...

'Certainly you may invite a friend to lunch. Bring him in.'

"That'll be two incisors and a molar, please."

My mom put the clips on because I'm always losing my gloves.

'One medium curds-and-whey pizza for a Miss Muffet?'