Childcare Comedy Fan Gifts

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I'm bored."

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

'Doorbell. Must be the sitter.'

'So this is goodbye then!'

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Children's Nursery

Therapy for babies.

'Take a letter,'

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

Count Alucard's Night-Care Center.

Gangster Babies

"The kids told me it was a magic wand."

'This is great. No dishes to wash!'

'My first solids. Do breasts get jealous?'

"Mum.... I need to poo."

'I am transferring to another day-care center. I am not getting enough playing time.'

"Your nanny is paid to be patient with you."

"Those D's are misleading."

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"

"I take my babysitting job very seriously."

Dr.Benjamin Spock

"Yes, I checked. No monsters under your bed! Now go to sleep and have horrible nightma...I mean...sweet dreams!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: Mother examines baby's faeces

"Here is your very own doll, so you can see how tiring it is to raise a child."

"I told you my helicopter parents are worse than your helicopter parents."

'As a baby sitter, you shouldn't think of me as a bratty kid...think of me as a jobs creator!'

Different Perspectives on Childcare

"Hot chocolate, straight. ...make it a double."

'Home from work at last!!'

'When you said I mustn't speak to strange people, does that include you and Dad?'

"Thanks again. You've got a great house and a fun care provider."

"If you didn't want to wear a cape made of dryer lint to school, you shouldn't have such a crazy mom."