Childbirth Pillows

Maternity Doors

'Her husband? No, I'm her lawyer.'

'Congratulations! It's an obesity time bomb'

Try to stay off your feet until after the baby's born.

Whoops, left the tape out. We'll have to start over.

'Wait, breathe or don't breathe? Oh jeez, why did I have to sleep through Lamaze class?'

'My chiropractor said that since I had the twins my posture has improved.'

Maternity Ward

'Worst case of premature baldness I've ever seen.'

"Doc, she's having contractions!"

'Doctor, how long will it be before the stork arrives?'

The age of passwords.

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"So this is the secret to the start of labour!"

Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Cry babies.

"Not to alarm you, but the other newborns are already ahead."

'So, where do storks come from?'

'I encourage natural childbirth - gently coaxing the baby into the world. If that fails, I go with brute force and intimidation.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

"Bye bye, comfort zone."

'We've agreed on a name, but not a username.'

'Since we couldn't afford health care insurance, we induced labor in our car so our auto insurance would cover any maternity costs.'

'He has all of his fingers and toes and, so far...no carbon footprint.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"You're tired? HELLO, what about me? I haven't slept since I was born!"

GPS stork delivery

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

Midwife presents a baby with its own volume control: 'Finally, evolution has done its thing.'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm the one with his head in a pelvic vice!'

'Sign here.'

'He's the father of the entire first row.'

Maternity Ward: Push.

Maternity Ward - Push Hard.

'This placenta's not very filling, I think I'll nip out for a pizza.'