Giving Birth Pillows

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

'This app helps during labor by shouting very creative incentives and demands for retribution.'

Chicken just laid huge egg.

'Are you sure it's not out of your way?'

Birth Cake

Obstetrics.

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

"Fetch a kitten instead."

Entering Maternity ward where the door sign says 'Push, Push, Push'.

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

Push! PUSH! ...No not you nurse!

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

The cell phone soother for life.

My First Camera

Baby Piano

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.