Birth Pillows

"OMG! I just got born!"

'Thank God we're cute. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.'

Baby's first words.

Whoops, left the tape out. We'll have to start over.

Ginger hair

'I think babies grow in a mommy's tummy and adopted babies grow in a mommy's heart.'

"It's a dependent!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

'It's a venture capitalist.'

'Congratulations! It's a tax credit!'

'We've got it narrowed down to between three and twenty-three pounds.'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

'You saved $.05 for using your own bag.'

"Uh, I'm not ready to have a family"

"Dammit! I swallowed another one!"

"He's going to make a great managing director one day."

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

Baby's mobile has electronic devices.

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

'Boy, I've had so many problems on the way: Oh well, you'll be able to tell your friends it was a difficult delivery!'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'I suppose this puts my new bike on the back burner?'

'Sign here.'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Got a clever one here...'

'Congratulations! You have a future president of the United States...if we ever get the good sense to elect a woman!'

The Christening Party

'We call him Palace - that's where he was conceived.'

'Oh God I hope that bunch of rednecks aren't waving at me!'

"Do you have any 'in deepest sympathy it's a boy' cards?"

Wife:'He has the Milkman's eyes.'

"His first word was 'Dotcom'."

'What a dump! No room service!'

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

A baby meets his new freaky family. Please don't be looking at me...