Child Law Expert Gifts

'I can't sign that behavior contract unless my attorney reviews it.'

A young Don King

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"Or perhaps we could just have them wear these 'M-for-Muslim' patches...."

Mom and Dad Really Lose It - 1/4 Mile.

'My own debit card would really be a great way to teach me the value of a dollar.'

'We now feel it's best that baby keeps her security blanket until she's old enough for a cell phone.'

"I'm looking for a tie that retracts a statement."

'No need to make a judgement, King Solomon, we can run a DNA test.'

'No we are not there yet, we're just leaving our drive!'

Violence against children.

Come Back Sloane

"I can't decide whether to specialize in criminal law or legal punditry."

"What changed? I once said a bad word when I was real little, and everyone laughed!"

What did you know?/When did you know it?

'But darling, instinct only gets you so far in life: You need to go to school as well...'

"These conferences are a good thing. It keeps parents off the streets."

'You've got to keep it straight. With Mom it's burping, with Dad it's running in the house.'

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'