Chia Chuckler Pillows

"I had to get a real dog. I was allergic to my Chia Pet."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

'Fancy a swift half?'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

Way too much anthropomorphising

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Keyboard in Heaven

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

'What about change? Do you have any change in your pockets?'

"On this diet, you can eat all you want of anything you can grow."

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'

STRIP Hambone: Computer health analysis

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

"Still fat."

'...explain to me again why you are burying the shoe you threw..'

Pluto Named Dwarf Planet

"It's Billy Graham ... he doesn't want to stop preaching!"

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

Yoga - moooooooo.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

What your acoustic guitar says about you

An idle lap is the devil's workbench.

"I was very relieved. I expected to spend eternity on hold."

"I can't believe how soon they got me back on my feet after the operation..."

"Actually, sir, the rules were chiseled in stone."

'I'ts good we don't have to make a living up here. I sold life insurance.'

'We NEVER let bygones be bygones!'