Cheesy Humorist Pillows

"America hasn't been discovered yet -- how about cheddar?"

"Smoked Gouda"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"That's it. We’re toast."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Soup of the month.

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Football Chameleon

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

Glance Exchange

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'The Burrito King.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"It's just a tree."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"How about a hand."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."