Cheerful Penitent Pillows

Jeff gives it up for Lent.

"Pollyanna, your teeth are shot. Stop sugar coating everything!"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Tiptoe through the tulips with me!

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

'On the contrary-I quite enjoy that Monday morning feeling!'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

"Actually, Father, it's teddy who has to confess....he was nervous about coming in here alone."

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

Greece

"This is one time of year we count our blessings. . . and not our calories."

"Good morning, world!"

If I were a cat, I'd give you my last kipper

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Rainbow Reunion.

Things look better through rose-tinted glasses.

'Very funny!'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

The Joy of Procreational Sex

'I just think you obvious post holiday high is a little unseemly.'

"I guess today separated the wheat from us chaff."

Wine and Stripes

STRIP Hambone: Prisoner visited by a computer

'I'm sorry, Miller, but we have to let you go. Your relentless 'can-do' optimism is driving us all nuts.' 'I'm bowled over! Thanks for this exciting new opportunity, chief!' 'You're welcome. I'm sure you'll make us all very proud of you.'

If life gives you lemons. . .

"Well, anyhow, it sure is handy having my broker right here in my cell!"

'Happy New Year.'