Cheerful Penitent Gifts

Jeff gives it up for Lent.

"Pollyanna, your teeth are shot. Stop sugar coating everything!"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Tiptoe through the tulips with me!

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Robin Hoods' Band. Member Auditions Today. Happy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Sneezy and Dopey are all fine qualities. But I'm leaning more towards "Merry".

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

This guy is always upbeat and sees the glass as half full. I like riding home like this at the end of the day. It's nice finishing on an optimistic note.

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

'On the contrary-I quite enjoy that Monday morning feeling!'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

"Actually, Father, it's teddy who has to confess....he was nervous about coming in here alone."

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

Greece

If I were a cat, I'd give you my last kipper

"Good morning, world!"

"This is one time of year we count our blessings. . . and not our calories."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Rainbow Reunion.

Things look better through rose-tinted glasses.

'Very funny!'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

Wine and Stripes

STRIP Hambone: Prisoner visited by a computer

If life gives you lemons. . .

"I guess today separated the wheat from us chaff."

The Joy of Procreational Sex

'I just think you obvious post holiday high is a little unseemly.'

'I'm sorry, Miller, but we have to let you go. Your relentless 'can-do' optimism is driving us all nuts.' 'I'm bowled over! Thanks for this exciting new opportunity, chief!' 'You're welcome. I'm sure you'll make us all very proud of you.'

"Well, anyhow, it sure is handy having my broker right here in my cell!"