Punny Penitents Gifts

Confessional Options

"White Collar Prison"

'I was fixin' to fill you full o' lead, Clanton, but it looks like that there stalactite done the job for me!'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"Actually, Father, it's teddy who has to confess....he was nervous about coming in here alone."

Who's Not Who.

Why cats don't cook. (sign on wall reads: Federal Law requires all employees to wear hairnets)

"Jack Russell?"

"Good news! Our septic tank is shot."

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

Jeff gives it up for Lent.

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

Weight and Fortune.

'I think I just invented 'Rock 'n Roll'.'

'Inner-city kids in search of a butter life.'

"I'd like to let you go, Willy, but this is your third offense."

School

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

"I've been in prison for the past four months and my wife hasn't even noticed."

Before you're released, would you mind filling out this feedback survey, so we may better serve you next time?

STRIP Hambone: Prisoner visited by a computer

Break-ins by the Masochist Society

'When you flippantly asked them to honour your August holiday arrangements they flippantly honoured August 2022.'

"Now what?"

"If it cheers you up, everyone's in lockdown."

"Oh, just sheltering in place, how about you?"

'You've lots of time on your hands, why don't you takeup knitting....?'

Misleading Economic Indicators

"So... you've decided to turn your neurons into morons."

'You're a bookmaker? Gee -- a literary man!'

"... No, I'm not your Bert. I think you've got the wrong number."