Cheerful Chatter Gifts

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

'The bar's famous for its high spirits.'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

Communication

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

"This is a 'warts and all' biography with some really great warts."

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'...the next train arriving at platform one is the 10.45 fast service to orgasm central!'

Nice Old Ladies Tend to Look at the Bright Side of Things: 'As kids my brother and I took turns beating each other up!' 'Well, I think it's wonderful when kids take turns!'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'Thank you for calling the bullpen,,, To continue in English, Press one,,,'

'No, I don't like them, their shirts make me look fat.'

Online Dating

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'Why don't you come to my birthday party? It'll be a great place for networking...'

"Omigod, you have such a cute smile!"

'He's great at communicating, but it's office gossip.'

"No, I've never been to the Hamptons, but I have been in hellish traffic."

'I've never been superstitious...touch wood'

'We were playing doctor until she hit me with a malpractice suit!'

"He said his first word today - pubbies!"

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

"Wine improves with age."

"Ever notice that you finish my sentences and. . ."

"After so many years of marriage what are you getting for your anniversary?"