Cheerful Budgeteer Gifts

"This is where the party budget ran out."

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"You need to justify your own existence first."

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

"We're going to have to save some money...and one way is to rewrite the rules on expenses claim."

Homeless count.

'He's put in a tender to run down public services.'

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

'We do a lot for the ecosystem.'

Budget Cuts

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

BELTS, loose & tight...weight loss clinic and financial advisors.

"He's refusing to pay the inflationary bits"

"Every time he elbow bumps me, he hits my funny bone on purpose."

'I realize it's not much of a war, but it's all we can afford right now.'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

'To save money, Bob started making his own wine. This Chablis, for example, only cost him $329 a bottle.'

Rocket priced prams.

'I've just had a terrible nightmare that we were living sensibly, within our budget!'

"It's a quote from the builder, he's wanting £900 just to come around and sneer at us!"

'Honey, the splurge isn't working!'

Unemployment Math

You have 17 creditors that won't get paid this month. Eighteen, including yourself.

"We could save a lot if we move the wedding to the front yard and document it with the doorbell camera."

"The 2.3 billion dollar item, is that before or after the manufacturer's rebate?"

'Sorry Santa we're over budget for 'meeting the dreams of young children' and we won't have funds for 'screams of delight' until 2016 at the earliest.'

"Great, I just made my last mortgage payment!"

"It won't hurt a bit. Dr. Taxmore is doing a routine walletectomy."

WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS HOW ALL THREE OF US MANAGED TO GET THE FIGURES WRONG