Cheeky Philosopher Gifts

Actually, admitting you have a problem is the second stop. The first step is finding a problem you really enjoy.

Would you Adam and Eve it?

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Reverse psychology

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

"The usual? Or will you be having our 'stimulus package'?"

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

Justice for a heckler.

"Is it always so cloudy?"

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"It Works For Us."

"It's an agreeable little wine."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

'We're looking for somebody in medical research.'

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."

Phrenology - Braille Edition.

I lactate, therefore I am.