Cheeky Drinkers Pillows

"So... you've decided to turn your neurons into morons."

'A cheeky red?'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Quick swig first?"

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Sticking out tongue

"It's an agreeable little wine."

"Hey-look, honey! We screwed our tails off!"

'You may indeed be 'under the weather', but let's just see if the 34 pints of lager two bottles of scotch and 6 Christmas dinners had anything to do with it.'

'Pint of Binge, please. . .'

"Gentlemen - raise your glasses'

'The Businessman's Lunch won't cut it, hon. We want the Businessman's Orgy!'

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'Man, the next hangover will kill me for sure... that's why I've decided to be drunk 24 hours a day!'

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

'I'm not a wine snob. You're a wine ignoramus.'

Trendy new La Croix flavors

"You awake?"

"It takes the fun out of it when the food police say it's ok."

Let's play hide-the-sausage!

'You only want to do it when people are watching.'

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

'And for the sports minded. . . there's the £100 trip up to my flat.'

"You hearing aid you miserable, mean, catankerous old git."

'My balls are freezing!'

'Do I get credit for car wash?'

By the way, my foot's asleep. So, I guess an unscrupulous woman who wanted to play footsie with me could pretty much get away with murder right now. !

'You can eat anything you want on this diet, but there's a strict limit on what you can swallow.'

I Will Not Chew My Pencil

"NICE white bits!"

Thumb your nose at an authority figure.

'I hate to ask this on my first day... but can you loan me about 650.00?'

'I tell you. He's on Viagra - it sticks out a mile'