Cheeky Caroler Gifts

'All Eddie Wilson wants for Christmas is his two front teeth.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Sticking out tongue

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"O Holy night - Aye! The stars are brightly shining - YUH!"

Justice for a heckler.

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

The Height of Impudence.

'Big Issue!'

"Your dump or mine..?"

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

Having noticed a hot-looking security woman, Mort quickly penned a note and stuck it in his briefcase.

"Wanna chill at my place?"

'The only thing I don't like about playing solitaire on the computer is you can't peek under the cards.'

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

"For last meal, I'm thinking unlimited breadsticks, endless shrimp and bottomless coffee."

'Rudolph! Now I know the secret of your bright and shiny nose!'

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

Easter Island

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

"I'm doing well at school. My teacher says I've got an answer for everything."

Football Fantasies

"We lost Mr. Speak No Evil when he became a blogger."

"Yes Mildred, I'm washing the dishes now."

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

'Here. Drink this till I'm hot.'