Checkup Champ Pillows

"So what brings you in today?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Is this your husbands first flight?"

Full System Scan

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

Man checks the gears in his chest.

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

"Smoke, drink and womanize as much as you like but don't forget to update your will..."

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."