Checkup Champ T-Shirts

"So what brings you in today?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"The cape comes off too."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

Full System Scan

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"Is this your husbands first flight?"

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

"Smoke, drink and womanize as much as you like but don't forget to update your will..."

'Wake up, Mr. Granger, the doctor will see you about your insomnia now.'

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."