Check-up Champ T-Shirts

"The doctor will be in soon. Hang your clothes and any sense of modesty in the closet."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"So what brings you in today?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

Full System Scan

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Is this your husbands first flight?"

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

"Smoke, drink and womanize as much as you like but don't forget to update your will..."

Man checks the gears in his chest.

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"