Cheapskate Decoder Gifts

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

Complexity Made Simple.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

Information vs. confusion

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

"Is that neat whisky?"

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"The are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't."

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

Sod orf, midges...

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

"No luggage."

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

"Then the hard drive says to the floppy, 110010001110011..."

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

'...Send again doesn't look like they got it.'

'Okay, we'll meet six sharp, at the rail yard!'