Cheapskate Decoder Gifts

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

Complexity Made Simple.

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

Information vs. confusion

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

"Is that neat whisky?"

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"The are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't."

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

Sod orf, midges...

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

"No luggage."

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

"Then the hard drive says to the floppy, 110010001110011..."

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

'...Send again doesn't look like they got it.'

'Okay, we'll meet six sharp, at the rail yard!'

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.