Cheapskate Champion Gifts

'I dread holidays when we slash prices at the Dollar Store.'

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

His Her Cakes

Haute Chinese

The Little Engine that really shouldn't, she already had one of Evelyn's cheesecake brownies, she couldn't possibly, O.K. maybe just one.

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Is that neat whisky?"

Bake-a-thon.

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

Sod orf, midges...

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Chinese noodles.

"Hide all the chopsticks."

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

"No luggage."

"Waiter, these chopsticks are not cooperating."

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

'I'm not very hungry - just bring me some chopsticks.'

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

"Sounds like my daughter's back from her karate lesson."

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

'Okay, we'll meet six sharp, at the rail yard!'

yes it takes a little while to learn to handle chopsticks