Cheap Date Humorist Pillows

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

Budget reaction.

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

"We're not a couple. He's just my ride."

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

First Date

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"Ooh, this one sounds interesting, 'Single, vegetarian, bulbous, with moves like a lava lamp'."

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

He's Tasty!

"I'm sure my parents will love you, but for the time being, let's not mention that you're genetically modified."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Do you suspect me of ulterior motives? Let's put it this way: You're not a suspect; you're a person of disinterest.

'Like I said in the ad - GSOH.'

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

"I brought Tom home to my parents and left him there."

"When you called yourself a playboy...."