Chaucer Enthusiast Gifts

Geoffrey Chaucer

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

Broomstick crash.

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"You don't have anything planned for the next 196 years, do you?"

Lemmings jumping off a cliff and one has a parachute.

Eventual Motion Machine

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'I knew I should have bought more insurance.'

'I know it's dark out here - we're traveling faster than the speed of light'

It's very quick and looks great in speed camera photos.

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

'Well, I'm off to the crusades, happy mother's day!'

'Well, yes, a little lonely, dear. But I have Mog. And my Grand Theft Auto...'

'I used to give directions by naming all the pubs along the route - I'm as lost as you are now!'

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

'I don't think Ed wants to make the crusades come alive for the kids. I think Ed is afraid of the kids.'

Winery tours.

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

American Idle

Snooze Cruise

"If I may say so, sire, that is ONE Magna Carta."

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

"The Over-Sharing Economy"

'Darling! This isn't a property programme at all! It's the view from our living room window..'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

NOT 2B

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.