Chaucer Enthusiast T-Shirts

Library. Toss me that copy of "The Canterbury Tales." It's a flying Chaucer!

Geoffrey Chaucer

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

Broomstick crash.

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"You don't have anything planned for the next 196 years, do you?"

Sure, he can talk already, but it's all just psychobabble.

A gift for me? It's a cape because I think you're a superhero!

Museum. Celtic smiths were the first to add iron rims to chariot wheels. They should have called them "ferrous wheels"!

Lemmings jumping off a cliff and one has a parachute.

Eventual Motion Machine

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'I knew I should have bought more insurance.'

'I know it's dark out here - we're traveling faster than the speed of light'

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

It's very quick and looks great in speed camera photos.

'Well, I'm off to the crusades, happy mother's day!'

'I used to give directions by naming all the pubs along the route - I'm as lost as you are now!'

'Well, yes, a little lonely, dear. But I have Mog. And my Grand Theft Auto...'

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

'I don't think Ed wants to make the crusades come alive for the kids. I think Ed is afraid of the kids.'

Winery tours.

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

American Idle

"If I may say so, sire, that is ONE Magna Carta."

'Darling! This isn't a property programme at all! It's the view from our living room window..'

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

Snooze Cruise

"The Over-Sharing Economy"