Chastity Gifts

"I'm saving my abstinence for marriage."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Priest's 'To do' list.

Biofelineism

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"Gee, thanks pal."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

Early Piety

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'Hey, want to go to the beach ...I mean ...the birdbath?'

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

Why would birdie need newspaper?

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Look on the bright side, more gay marriages means fewer abortions.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'