Chastity Gifts

"I'm saving my abstinence for marriage."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Biofelineism

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"Gee, thanks pal."

Priest's 'To do' list.

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Early Piety

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 29

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

Getting to Know You

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Hey, want to go to the beach ...I mean ...the birdbath?'

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '