Chart Charmer Pillows

Fat Man Viewing Pie Chart Thinks About Real Pie

'I practice my presentation before tomorrow's meeting and it gets him right to sleep.'

"Pie chart"

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

Acupuncture.

"I think I'll report us to the Better Business Bureau."

"First, let me begin by admitting that the unexpected and rather brazen theft of our teleprompter has left me somewhat speechless."

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

ACME Balloon Company.

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"Check out this new store."

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

You're the olive in my martini

'And right here they merged...'

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

"You shouldn't have hypnotised him"

"Oh, I can't complain"

Dragon Graph

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

"We've met our target on a 25% uplift in sales but that still leaves us 100% bankrupt."

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'As you can see the market forecast is quite loopy in the next quarter.'