Charming Underachiever Gifts

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

What else is there to wish for?

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

Empty Headed Schoolboy

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

One day, he hoped to hit the big time.

Romance in Pink

"You can achieve anything if you put you mind to it."

"There must be some way of getting yourself fired."

"Timothy, success is nothing to fear."

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

Succeed.

How to get ahead and how to get further ahead.

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

'Just tell him you've been good. Don't overdo it.'

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

"The woman I marry will be beautiful, a great cook, intelligent, pleasant and rich."

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

"He makes it look so easy."

"Darn it, she's unreachable when she gets her inbox down to zero."

'Mismatched Mantras'

Jealousy of General's Medal for Love

World Records Office.

Dyslexia (dog barking backwards).

'My backpack would be lighter if I weren't carrying all my parents hopes and dreams.'

'There are just two things separating me from the history books. . . opportunity and ability.'

"I predicted I would get an 'A-plus'! If it makes you feel any better, my prediction skills are way worse."

"I can't work on the McDowell file. I have motivational tapes to finish!"

"I'm a professor but don't worry. I'm off duty now."