Quirky Achiever Gifts

Speedwalking "This makes all those funny looks I've gotten over the years seem worth it!"

World Records Office.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

Having been born with a birthmark that looks exactly like Asia and the Mideast, Russell was able to ace the geography portion of the SATs.

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

Caged Businessman

"One day, I'll be the first woman!"

"You know, there's a corporate elevator."

"I really love school. There's only one problem. I think not having a college degree is holding me back."

"Listen here pup, it's time you realized it's a "dog eat dog" world."

Scientist has note on chalkboard: E=mc2 + 6% sales tax.

Robber on treadmill

'This way, we'll always have rose petals on the bed. Pretty romantic, huh?'

The world's most unemployable family

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"Must you use the cat's litter box to practice your sand trap swing?"

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"And today children, Homer is going to show us his 'pressed fly and bug collection'."

Do you mind if my mother joins our little business dinner ? You know what it's like, I don't want people from the office to think I'm sleeping my way to the top.

"Trying to get new business is killing me..."

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

"I know by outward standard I'm successful, but a voice inside my head keeps saying, 'Where's your private plane?"

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

"Sorry, but if we hire someone like you, you'll quit in six months and start a rival company!"

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

'Now Gregory needed an investor to take his Gentlemen's Lavatory Tongs from dream to reality.'

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

"Timothy, success is nothing to fear."

I always feel so short when you wear heels.