Quirky Achiever Pillows

Speedwalking "This makes all those funny looks I've gotten over the years seem worth it!"

World Records Office.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

Caged Businessman

"One day, I'll be the first woman!"

"You know, there's a corporate elevator."

"Listen here pup, it's time you realized it's a "dog eat dog" world."

"I really love school. There's only one problem. I think not having a college degree is holding me back."

Scientist has note on chalkboard: E=mc2 + 6% sales tax.

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

The world's most unemployable family

'This way, we'll always have rose petals on the bed. Pretty romantic, huh?'

"Must you use the cat's litter box to practice your sand trap swing?"

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"And today children, Homer is going to show us his 'pressed fly and bug collection'."

"Trying to get new business is killing me..."

"And do you have any OTHER skills you can bring to the post apart from being able to burp the Beatles greatest hits?"

Do you mind if my mother joins our little business dinner ? You know what it's like, I don't want people from the office to think I'm sleeping my way to the top.

"I know by outward standard I'm successful, but a voice inside my head keeps saying, 'Where's your private plane?"

'Now Gregory needed an investor to take his Gentlemen's Lavatory Tongs from dream to reality.'

"Sorry, but if we hire someone like you, you'll quit in six months and start a rival company!"

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."

"Timothy, success is nothing to fear."

Succeed.

I know you're a starving writer, but is paper really that expensive?

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."