Quirky Achievers Pillows

"He did well in his exams. He got an A level in creative knitting."

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

"Dad, my web toon characters can't be normal! They have to be stereotyped crazies who are totally abnormal!"

Procrastinators Incorporated

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"How about this? We carpet the road and use the resultant static electricity to power our electric cars."

"He's a fussy eater."

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

"Timothy, success is nothing to fear."

"Your experience is impressive and your qualifications excellent but I'm afraid you're let down by not being the same as everyone else."

'I picked up my Latin from watching Roadrunner cartoons.'

"My ship didn't sink. I swam here from New Jersey to get into The Guinness Book of World Records."

'Did you know that your lips move when you paint?'

"He makes it look so easy."

"This year I'm going to lose weight!"

'You spent all day mashing a can of a hundred baked beans and drawing a little man on them to look like pennies?'

"I was assistant to Prince Andrew for six months, then I realised that, no matter how good I was, they were never going to make me Prince Andrew."

'Mentoring requires many sophisticates qualities and skills...'

'Remember I said I wish I had more arms so I could get more things done? Well the doctor took care of that problem.'

Cow selling milk from small roadside stand.

Scientist looking at FaecesBook website.

I can't believe it - I've made it again!!!

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

"Any OTHER skills that might be more appropriate to a role in forensic accounting?"

'Have you got something that smells like a skateboard?'

'When I think of all the homework my dog ate, I can hardly believe that I'm sitting at this desk.'

Shopping Cart Races

"Where else can you go from the security detail to owning the whole place?"

World Records Office.

Lemonade Stand: We Don't Pee In Ourz

'Thanks to our new firefly lamps, we've lowered our power bill by 64 percent!'

Pushy Parents

I only said my first word