Charcoal Champion Gifts

An angry barbecue.

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

"We could have saved time and just served the served the charcoal briquettes."

"It's 'Toad in the charcoal'."

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

Happy Turkey Day!

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'May I say it's a great pleasure to present my work to such a distinquished assembly of my colleagues.'

'I'm afraid the numbers don't lie Norton, we're definitely nerds.'

'This part was tenure.'

Did you let the global warming skeptics into eco club? Yeah. It went fine. We agreed to work on today's environmental problems. We don't have to wait 50 years to clean up toxic waste dumps! Amen.

"You see? I told you if we tied ourselves to this tree they wouldn't cut it down. Persistence is the name of the game. Persistence."

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

"Well, here's your problem. You need an O right there."

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

Professor Swizzlestix explains his point....

'...Or not.'

"Billy is turning out to be quite the little artist."

'I forgot the question.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

"I wonder if this will count for wood carving badge?"

The last bird in the last wood...

'Aaaga! I'm melting! I'm melting!'

Methane Emissions

"Thank you for 30 years of teaching service. Now you have 5 minutes to turn in your keys, I.D. card, empty your desk and be escorted out."