Carbonated Champion Gifts

"Here, son, don't forget your glass of fizzy."

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

The Alpha Seltzer

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

An angry barbecue.

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

The nonprofit dog fight.

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

"We could have saved time and just served the served the charcoal briquettes."

"It's a cautionary tale about why we shouldn't cut arts funding in schools."

"Are we afraid of a little competition? Based on the figures, absolutely."

Using the skill of pottery to make athletics trophy.

"I need a box of the gayest chocolate you've got."

'All his life, Mel has been convinced that he's a poster boy for something... he's just never been able to figure out what, exactly.'

You put sparkling water in the WHAT?

"Sweet! He upgraded with a cup holder!"

Man wearing 'Save the whale, rainforst,legalise pot..' t shirt "I think you need to be more focussed."

'1875 - Captain Matthew Webb becomes the first man to swim the English Channel.'

"Save ALL animals, you bastard!"

'In the old days we used charcoal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'

"It's 'Toad in the charcoal'."

'I'm all in favour of alternative medicine, using boiled twigs and chanting has cut our drug budget in half.'

'Little more work needed on your braking Mr Smith!'

"I'll go, but only if you promise we won't stay long."

Bus driver says to passenger: 'This IS a green bus, but that doesn't mean you can recycle your ticket.'

"Please, Doc - nothing too aggressive. I'm kind of attached to my symptoms."

Man standing in front of a vending machine for cold drinks

'I know! I know! But if I can beat chocolate, you can beat heroin!'

"You mean I was cheering for a concussion?"

Ian Thorpe

"It's an apathy awareness ribbon."

'That's it, try to knock the thief out. . . with the out-of-date chocolate bars!'

The plaster of danger.