Chaotic Cook T-Shirts

'Holiday insanity helpline.'

Ainsley Harriott: "..Then add the nuts!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Cookbooks

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Kitchen Tetris

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

Is that pancake ready yet?

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Man's cooking explodes.

Vegetable Cook

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

Ten out of ten for effort...

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Anti-inflammation recipes

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'Do you want toast with that?'

Disaster in the kitchen.

It's all gravy.

'You made me jump.'

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Recipes.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I mean, he does have a point."

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'