Chaos Chef T-Shirts

Recipes.

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Cookbooks

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

Future garbage truck driver.

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

Is that pancake ready yet?

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

"Do you realize that you and I have it in our power to cause quite a brouhaha?'

'It's 10:00. Do you know where your kids are?'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

Anti-inflammation recipes

"Isn't it obvious? I'm writing the great American graphic novel."

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

Caution: use only under child supervison

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

Stockwell's day

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'This is my natural habitat.'

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"My mom said a tornado hit my room. I checked my weather app, and it said clear skies."

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

'You made me jump.'