Chaotic Carpenter Gifts

Little known trivia: Fred Astaire began tap dancing when he had loose floor boards, but no hammer.

Christopher Isherwood

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

He hurt himself taking out the Christmas tree? But it's February! That's not all, he tripped over the jack-o-lantern!

'Anything need fix'n around here? I mean besides the lamp I just broke.'

'J.B. Potts, Head of Research, Aerodynamics...'

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

"And I suppose cleaning up after yourself just once would in some way stifle your precious creativity."

'Your manuscript was delicious.'

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

Cubits? Haven't You gone metric yet?

Woman Ruins Fishing Trip By Feeding the Fish.

'This reminds me of something funny. Remember the day I was shopping in that china shop and suddenly sneezed?'

"Be honest...did you actually get any paint on the living room walls?"

"They're love poems alright, but he cuts up the lines, throws them in the air and reassembles them randomly..."

'My dad thinks I have a future in junk bonds.'

'Holiday insanity helpline.'

"It's the great pumpkin massacre"

Potty Training.

Photocopying his ass was not as easy as he'd been led to believe.

Wallpaper over a door.

'I keep it this way on purpose, for speedy reference.'

Ainsley Harriott: "..Then add the nuts!"

How is the homeschooling going?

Using a Snow Blower in Dorm Room.

'Golf was too frustrating, so Ed took up painting!'

A man hunting in gale of wind

"Kleinzweck is our resident punk physicist."

"This year WE EAT LIKE WOLVES."

'You've done it AGAIN,Doris- you've bought CAT food!!'

"A clean desk is the Devil's workshop, that's my motto."

'You should have ordered - this is the last cake in the shop...'

Man Nailed to Wall