Champion Of Age Positivity Gifts

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Even if forced to slave all day, in my mind I'll always play!"

Critisize your weight.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

Old Karate Master

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

Aging Problems

'I'm feeling so good, I'm worried I may catch some uplift anxiety.'

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

'Good grief! Who CARES where our tails begin?'

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

Fat fairy

Girl's weight issues.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Oh no! You're obviously smaller than me, Joy!' 'You're not fat, 'cause those pants were tight on me too Verl.'

Irregulars

"Gym for regular people" "No intimidating trainers!" "Lo-tech" "Less is more!" "Not plastic" "Fluffy and scented" "No mirrors" "Full service restaurant"