Cfos Gifts

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"This year we decided to vacation on the 3rd rock."

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

The Evolution of the Bonus

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"#Win!"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'