Certainty Seekers Pillows

"What's come over Heisenberg? He seems to be certain about everything these days."

"Honey! Where are my lucky Incredible Hulk board meeting socks?!?"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"Any questions?"

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

"They’re real."

'You have no idea how hard I've gotta work just to maintain my indie cred around here!'

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

Business coach hiding in speach desk.

Woman walking into Inner Beauty Salon.

Eureka

"Excuse me sir, is this the environment..?"

"I'm not an AI, I'm a human being."

'Some people say they're ego-compensation, but what do they know.'

Gambling on office building construction

Children watching a horse show from under the tent

'So, your anger management class is working?'

How Gary got his groove back.

'You must stop feeding him fish oils to make him cleverer.'

"I was just like you, then I hired a life coach. Now look at me!"

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

"Looks like something exciting is happening in R&D."

'I lost my shoe, but I got my foot in the door.'

And if you press that one, somebody will come in and tell you what a great job you're doing.

Oil explodes from the wishing well.

"Don't make us warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

Fortune teller predicts a bigger family for worried parents.

'When a cow laughs real hard, does milk come out of her nose?'