Consistency Seeker Pillows

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Fight or Flight

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Any questions?"

"We needn't have a fancy home, just a place to rest when we no longer roam."

The World's Easiest Airport

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

Collective Psyche

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'I enjoy the old-fashioned pleasures - a walk on the beach, plain food and piles of cash.'

Not much money, glory, or praise

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

Finally there is the right product for real men!"

Work/Personal Life Balance Beam

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'Occam's famed tool of parsimony.'

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

Money mangagement see-saw.

Muzak's Top 10

'Does any of your bread just have bread in it?'

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

"After six weeks of camping out here to observe our operations, the design firm has created a new logo. It's our company's name in blue lower-case letters."

'So what if we don't have running water?!'

"I'm basically a simple dog. Just give me a place to lay my head and lift my leg."