Census Taker Gifts

First and last day as census taker...

A survey taker distills the voices of the many into his ear.

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

Joseph and Mary went to Bethlehem to be registered.

'I don't see why Tibet needs a census!'

Exam

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

Empty Headed Schoolboy

Good Luck with your finals.

'I'm afraid I still have more questions than answers.'

Bigger Brain

History student: 'I remembered the Alamo ... but forgot everything else!'

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

'The penguin is upset...'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

'Relax. This is only a test.'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

'Math isn't really my long suit, Mrs. Ferguson -- how about I just take a drug test?'

Student in the middle of an exam realises he has accidentally picked up dumb water.

'My mind was a million miles away today, but that wasn't far enough.'

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

School boy uses 'Sats Nav' to navigate his way to exam room.

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

'Are you kidding? Of course I take this woman - wouldn't you???'

Boy in court swearing oath on comic book

Of course the teasts are complete nonsense but we're working on the basis that anyone who can be bothered to complete all 148 of them must be highly motivated...

"There's only me, but if you can wait till Thursday week, there's a bloke in the mail truck!"

"Well, could you give me a ballpark number?"

Fresh Blood In Politics

"Well, the census results are out, but a footnote says that the sheep count is probably inaccurate as the auditors often found themselves getting drowsy..."