Cellular Conversationalist Pillows

Woman on the phone.

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

Modern Narcissism

Communication

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"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

Cyber Fight

"My chat bot doesn't understand me."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"I'm still very impressed by natural intelligence."

"Lets take this conversation off line..."

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

'Excuse me, could everyone be quiet, I'm trying to talk on my cellphone.'

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

"My computer doesn't understand me!"

'Oh, you're from earth. Do you know Aaron Michaelson?'

Computer Dating

"IRL sucks."

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in personal, supportive but not disempowering course?"

'I'm having the shrimp scampi. How about you?'

'I see from your profile that you are 5ft 3, have blond hair and like red wine.'

'Mum says we should talk more so I've subscribed you to my blog.'

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."