Clinical Conversationalist Pillows

Complementary doctor

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Dude, Amazon is so popular they named a river after it."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

A lesson in wit

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

The Schmoozy Reaper

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'