Career Conversationalists Pillows

'You used to be a living legend. Now you're a living has been.'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

A lesson in wit

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

'It wasn't so much a hostile takeover as it was a best 2 out of 3 pillow fight.'

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

Bla Bla Bla

'How are you keeping?'