Healthcare Conversationalists Pillows

"I'm going to check out a couple of antiques." "Good luck with your breast exam."

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

'You used to be a living legend. Now you're a living has been.'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

'I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?'

NHS Very Direct: 'You have a terminal illness and are going to die. Thanks for your call.'

FLu jabs delayed for third year running...'GP's are always saying they want more consistency, less change...So we haven't changed ANYTHING for three years!'

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

"How did it go? Read my blog."

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in personal, supportive but not disempowering course?"

"You've been avoiding me." "Have not, Uncle Mort." "For weeks, you've been dashing out of rooms as soon as I entered." "Coincidence." "What about when I knocked on your door yesterday and you jumped out the back window?" "Look, Uncle Mort, I just didn't want to go through what I went through in 1994." "I was just going to say one thing about the 30th anniversary of the OJ Simpson 'trial of the century!'" "You would think the 'trial of the century' would've been the Nuremberg trials!"

Not quite Beverly Hills.

'And he's so-o-o-o knowledgeable about wine. He must have spent an hour telling me about his trip to Chardonnary.'

"Hopefully my body language tells you all you need to know."

'Hello, is that the government? Yes, I was just wondering... is the lambada still forbidden?'

'OK! I'LL talk!'

'No, I don't think Dr. Williams will be mad because you came to me for a second opinion, but I'm mad because you didn't come to me first.'

'Gout.'

Do you cover broken noses...

"Your symptoms are complex...perhaps I could explain things in terms you can understand."

'Do I detect a slight accent?'

"Well, I can't stay chatting like this . . . better finish taking the dog for his walk!"

'I've moved from being vegetarian to a dairy free Paleo diet...'

Young boy talking about shaving

'Quality patient care is all about clear compassionate communications...was that less than 140 characters?'

My cell phone minutes don't roll over and I don't want to waste them. That's why I'm dialling random numbers and wishing everyone a good day.

The Language of Health

"Sorry, sir, you'll have to hang on some more, but I'm going to advance you to priority-hold status."

'Gossip 50p per minute.'