Healthcare Conversationalists Pillows

"I'm going to check out a couple of antiques." "Good luck with your breast exam."

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

'You used to be a living legend. Now you're a living has been.'

'I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?'

NHS Very Direct: 'You have a terminal illness and are going to die. Thanks for your call.'

FLu jabs delayed for third year running...'GP's are always saying they want more consistency, less change...So we haven't changed ANYTHING for three years!'

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

"I was on a roll at first. Then, things began to unravel, and my life just went down the drain."

"How did it go? Read my blog."

"You've been avoiding me." "Have not, Uncle Mort." "For weeks, you've been dashing out of rooms as soon as I entered." "Coincidence." "What about when I knocked on your door yesterday and you jumped out the back window?" "Look, Uncle Mort, I just didn't want to go through what I went through in 1994." "I was just going to say one thing about the 30th anniversary of the OJ Simpson 'trial of the century!'" "You would think the 'trial of the century' would've been the Nuremberg trials!"

'And he's so-o-o-o knowledgeable about wine. He must have spent an hour telling me about his trip to Chardonnary.'

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in personal, supportive but not disempowering course?"

Not quite Beverly Hills.

"Hopefully my body language tells you all you need to know."

'Hello, is that the government? Yes, I was just wondering... is the lambada still forbidden?'

'OK! I'LL talk!'

'No, I don't think Dr. Williams will be mad because you came to me for a second opinion, but I'm mad because you didn't come to me first.'

'Gout.'

Angler management

My name's Troy, and I'll be your serve tonight. My name's Fred and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon. I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason.

Do you cover broken noses...

'I've moved from being vegetarian to a dairy free Paleo diet...'

You should be clear and tell patients that Doctor Jones has an encyclopedic knowledge of diseases, not that he is "ill-informed."

"Your symptoms are complex...perhaps I could explain things in terms you can understand."

"Well, I can't stay chatting like this . . . better finish taking the dog for his walk!"

Young boy talking about shaving

'Do I detect a slight accent?'

'Quality patient care is all about clear compassionate communications...was that less than 140 characters?'

My cell phone minutes don't roll over and I don't want to waste them. That's why I'm dialling random numbers and wishing everyone a good day.

"There's very little of this going around? Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

'Gossip 50p per minute.'