Senior Care Conversationalist Pillows

"Helen, before I call my mother-in-law for her birthday, I need a briefing on her most recent physical ailments."

Stairlift around cliff face.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

'You used to be a living legend. Now you're a living has been.'

"I find it helps to imagine Go as some kind of divine creator."

"I was on a roll at first. Then, things began to unravel, and my life just went down the drain."

"Sick? No. Everything is fine. We're all just under the weather."

"I'm going to check out a couple of antiques." "Good luck with your breast exam."

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in personal, supportive but not disempowering course?"

Wine and Books Bar.

"You've been avoiding me." "Have not, Uncle Mort." "For weeks, you've been dashing out of rooms as soon as I entered." "Coincidence." "What about when I knocked on your door yesterday and you jumped out the back window?" "Look, Uncle Mort, I just didn't want to go through what I went through in 1994." "I was just going to say one thing about the 30th anniversary of the OJ Simpson 'trial of the century!'" "You would think the 'trial of the century' would've been the Nuremberg trials!"

Little Did She Know

'OK! I'LL talk!'

"Well, Carmen, I must go now... Some of us are working on St. Peter's new gate. It's a lot bigger these days...with more people coming through... You know...because everyone's putting in good words...for everyone still down here..."

'Hello, is that the government? Yes, I was just wondering... is the lambada still forbidden?'

Angler management

"We must do something about this memory loss, Richard."

Do you cover broken noses...

Outspoken

The mid-state region's salesman of the year avoid another traffic ticket.

'I've moved from being vegetarian to a dairy free Paleo diet...'

God's turnaround time.

''Heaven's Waiting' Retirement Home? . . . 'We care for your parents so you don't have to.''

My cell phone minutes don't roll over and I don't want to waste them. That's why I'm dialling random numbers and wishing everyone a good day.

"Why do you keep quoting bible passages I never hear in church!?!"

'Gossip 50p per minute.'

'Sure, I fantasize when I make love - I pretend I'M someone else.'

Retirement Communities

"If your god wants me to believe in him, he should exist."